I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
