his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
