the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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