dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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