i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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