I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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