I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
