Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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