Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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