Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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