The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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