you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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