Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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