my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
