Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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