how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
