He kissed a someone with a penis
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
