Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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