fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
