Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize