it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
