can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
