did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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