Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
