What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
