but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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