Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
