It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
