Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
