Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
