i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
