she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is my gift to your gina
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
