Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
