It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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