you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he was CRYING into my vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
