"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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