I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
