I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Cover your peen. We're going out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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