I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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