too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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