He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
