I feel like abortions should bother me more
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
