I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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