i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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