apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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