You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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