May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize