im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
