i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
