the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
