nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
