He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The struggles of a small town man whore
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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