I got chris browned last night
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
