I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
