I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
