apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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