sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
