The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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