I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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