I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
