What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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