I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
