He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
