They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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