I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
