The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
honey bunches of taint.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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