You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
