You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can I color on your dick again?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
