Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
