Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
