My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize