Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
