he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize