I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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