Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
