Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
