just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
