I bet he comes in French.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
