just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My dick has a subreddit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
